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July 10th, 2009
10:37 pm - Emm Jay
My tribute to AAAOW! SHAMON! CHOOK!
For many years of my life, what I heard when I heard this song was something like this:
As he climbed onto the window, merril bainbridge, a pimento,
a walk in apartment, he got flush faced, on the carpet,
he went up to the neigh pole, yngwie malmsteen, was a navel
then he shellacked to the bed room, he was struck down, like an egg doom,
eddie are you wonky? are you wonky? are you wonky eddie?
eddie are you wonky? will you tell us, that you're wonky?
like the sound of a igloo, and he stuck you, like a shindo eddie!
he jiggled your apartment, he got flush faced, on the carpet,
then he shellacked to the bed room, he was struck down, like an egg doom, eddie!
you've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth toiletbowl.
then he came to the 'um' place, it was sunday, but a black day,
got a nervous insurrection, counting heartbeats, intimidation,
eddie are you wonky? are you wonky? are you wonky eddie?
eddie are you wonky? will you tell us, that you're wonky?
Current Music: Michael Jackson - Smooth Criminal
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May 10th, 2008
05:02 pm - Re-Pro-Bates
Brimstone Ouroboros says:
bitch
draly says:
you seem to know alot of reprobates
Brimstone Ouroboros says:
all my friends are reprobates of the highest degree
that's why they're my friends
rep·ro·bate  noun, adjective, verb, -bat·ed, -bat·ing. –noun | 1. | a depraved, unprincipled, or wicked person: a drunken reprobate. |
| 2. | a person rejected by God and beyond hope of salvation. |
–adjective | 3. | morally depraved; unprincipled; bad. |
| 4. | rejected by God and beyond hope of salvation. |
–verb (used with object) | 5. | to disapprove, condemn, or censure. |
| 6. | (of God) to reject (a person), as for sin; exclude from the number of the elect or from salvation. |
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May 5th, 2008
11:50 pm - Dialogue of the week
KZA says:
eh how you do journalism without smoking
KZA says:
fucking hell last week writing the essay like every 10mins i go smoke man
Brimstone Ouroboros says:
err..i don't. thats the fuckin problem innit.
Catchphrase of the week: Nonce
as in
"You fucking nonce."
"Draly is a nonce."
"Nonce-wit."
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May 1st, 2008
01:25 am - Quiz
OMGWTFBBQ tag quizzes are so old school. Since people bothered to tag, I'll bother to do it.
1) At what age do you wish to marry?
666
2) What I want the most now?
Racing 3) Who is the person you trust the most?
Wikipedia 4) Do you think you have enough confidence?
To fondle old people? No. To catch snakes? Yes. 5) If you can have a dream to come true, what would it be?
Win races 6) Do you believe in seeing the rainbow after the rain?
I believe in seeing worms after rain 7) What are you afraid to lose the most now?
Speed 8) Do you believe in eternity love?
What's eternity love? That's not even grammatically correct. 9) If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Yes, I did fart in the lift. Many times.
10) List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
1.Has a brain
2.Has two eyes
3.Is incorrigible
11) What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
It must be symmetrical to my other other half 12) What type of person do you hate most?
All sorts. 13) Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
Depends really. If they try to bugger me, then no. 14) Do you believe in God?
No 15) What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Your mom 16) Do you find it is a need for you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
No 17) At this point of time, would you rather be a heart breaker or a heartbroken?
I would rather have housebroken cats 18) What kind of friend do you hope to be in your friend's eyes?
Hopefully not too large and removable so they can regain their sight. 19) Describe the person who tagged you in 6 words.
Paranoid. Delusional. Compulsive liar with brain 20) The place you want to go the most with your loved ones?
Hell
Also i tag Melvin and his mom, also whoever wants to fill out this shit and come out with stupider responses. I also tag Wendy back
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April 27th, 2008
01:57 am - Going Blind
Well you know, if this is true, there'll be an awful lot of long-lived blind guys with overdeveloped muscles on one forearm:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/po/20080421/co_po/masturbationmaypreventprostatecancer;_ylt=Ai.Te63.7Lgyt84PZ596lCoDW7oF
Frequent masturbation may help men cut their risk of contracting prostate cancer, Australian researchers have found. It is believed that carcinogens may build up in the prostate if men do not ejaculate regularly, BBC News reported on Wednesday. The researchers surveyed more than 1,000 men who had developed prostate cancer, and 1,250 men who had not. They found that men who had ejaculated the most between the ages of 20 and 50 were the least likely to get cancer. Men who ejaculated more than five times each week were a third less likely to develop prostate cancer.
Better out than in applies to more than shit I guess. Oh and sex doesn't work. Better get jacking then boys....
In the end Kenny and Simon will have the last laugh.
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April 6th, 2008
03:35 am - Mediocrity
IS A WORD which has been through my head recently, and with alarming frequency. No this is not all just a big negative trip, although the vibe is definitely there and having a head quarter-full of whisky dry doesn’t really help, neither does the fucking green line of a Microsoft Word grammar checker telling you that you’re wrong once again bucko. Fuck off, what the hell do you know about creativity? Goddamn things can’t even spell ‘metre’ properly. See what I mean?
What is the difference between the extraordinary and the mediocre? You’ve just passed it. The mediocre man spends every other choice that ambles along, every second, every quantum of time making the wrong choice. Compound this and he could easily have been a Michael Jordan, an Ayrton Senna without question. Or you could go the other way, as an eminent Mr King once wrote in a short story, the wrong choice of pig-tails, a short skirt and cotton panties.
On a side note, and very Frank Booth one at that, why would I want to fuck kids? They’re too SMALL!! Don’t remember where that’s from, but it cracks me up everytime.
Anyway, I remember a time way back out on the prairie when I could laugh at everything, and all that ridiculous shit in the newspapers was just something else to be laughed at. Then you could lampoon it and blog about it to great applause.
But those days are over and thing you see which are bleedingly obvious just make you wonder why the fuck anyone would have to go around explaining shit like that to anybody. Today for example, “Tough on kids? Courts explain their approach to juvenile crimes”. Of course they’re tough on kids, do you expect that they’d cut CRIMINALS any slack because they are young, or do you think they’d crack down on them because they are young? Can anybody spell ‘Nanny State’? In any case, mister 16 year old shoplifter knows the score, now he’s a criminal and They’ll Be Coming Down Tough On Him (mothafucka).
We have considered your case sir, and believe it to be a case of Quarter-Life Crisis.
Fuck that, I don’t believe in Quarter-Life Crises. Is the life quarter empty or three-quarters full? Life is one big crisis punctuated by small crises. Is there a quantum for crises? Maybe I can invent one and become rich. I propose the Fubar. Or the Fukup. Or the Dubya, since he was just one big fuckup. The smallest unit of crises physically possible, probably something like dropping your lighter. A car accident would rate at two or three hundred Fubars. Irony increases it exponentially, so all those people in the Alanis Morissette song have at least four or five thousand.
Think about what your friends would say. Fuck say they’d only ask and doubt, when all you get is just questions and demands for more stupid explanations you don’t have the time or effort for. We should all take a step forward into unknown regions instead of hemming and hawing around like simians at the Fruit and Flower Mountain. Nominate me your goddamn king. God? God is a yes-man. Satan is the one you should go to for answers. You can’t trust anything Lucifer says, so that’s why you have to find out for yourself. God doesn’t know shit, with his fuckin Plan, plan my arse. Nobody likes a Know-It-All, ain’t that the truth.
This place is just too small. Life from billion neural pathways becomes one on-off switch, all channels diverge. Are you in or out? Are you alive or are you dead? And then I just shot him, and laughed! Are you listening to me Snowball?
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March 30th, 2008
03:24 am - Telephone Gaga
Earlier yesterday night, approx 2330 Hours the following telephone conversation was overheard.
*phone ring*
Me: Hello, yes fag.
Simon Lee Kim Hock: Eh is it true that the Queen is coming?
Me: The Queen? The Queen of what?!!? (my mind: England? Priscilla Queen of the Desert? Your Heart? Your Mom???)
Simon Lee Kim Hock: You know The Queen uh...
Me: What the fuck you talkin about!
Simon Lee Kim Hock: You know Bohemian Rhapsody.
Me: Oh you mean QUEEN.
Simon Lee Kim Hock: Ya ya I heard they are coming.
Me: No lah it's a musical by them, they're not coming.
Simon Lee Kim Hock: Oh ok.
Simon lucky you didn't have this conversation with normal people and I was occupied at the time. Also Queen is no longer around because Freddie Mercury, who was gay, is dead.
Normal people: Hey guys, what do you want to do on this happening Saturday night?!
Simon: Let's go listen to THE QUEEN!
Normal people: *all make excuses and leave for other places*
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February 21st, 2008
09:30 pm - Performance Art
The artists formerly known as Ronin (now known as 'Ronin') will be performing at the Esplanade on:
Sunday 24th February 2008 2030Hrs at the Stage@Powerhouse, wherever that is. They will be performing all your favourite golden oldies like 'Me and You and a dog named Boo', 'Green Green Grass of Home' and 'Edelweiss'.
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January 18th, 2008
12:09 am - Cars, crabs and guitars
Here's another edition of lazy arse photo blog:
I'm sorry for the giganticness of the picture, but you need the detail, especially Simon. If you are wondering what the fuck these are, these are crabs that live inside clams which can be found in clam dishes you eat at Teochew Porridge.The stuff in the background is otah. I was eating aforementioned porridge with Simon at Balestier and it went like this
Simon: OMG whats this thing on my onion (sees crab on onion bit)
Me: It's a crab.
Simon: (eats the onion with crab on it)
Me: Simon, those crabs live inside clams. They're parasitic.
Simon: (looks at me with a pained look) I feel ill.
Me: Why the fuck did you eat it?!
Simon: How i know! You said crab so i thought wah crab, nice to eat so i ate it. You didn't tell me it was a fuckin PARASITE!
Me: Yes i did. After you ate it. (takes another crab and pokes it) Wah damn cute, you can see the little legs and shit.
Simon: Can you like, not put it in front of me. I feel sick.
Me: Okay. (takes all the others in the plate and lines them up like a police line up) Wow, this ones pregnant.(poke) You can see the eggs. Damn cool. (poke poke)
Simon: (looks away illy)
Poll: If you saw crabs like these, would you eat them? Only Eel is stupid enough to eat them.
In other news my guitar is done. You can see it here with some house plants.
Close up of the skull knobs.
It sounds pretty cool, but is kinda hard to balance standing up. I think it will be named the 'Fockingbird'.
Also i am very happy, but also very sad because i got to drive this:
Happy that i got to drive it, sad that i had to stop driving it. I don't think I've had as much fun with one of my right appendages ever since i learned to...nevermind.
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January 11th, 2008
12:31 am - Hello, is it me you're booking for?
Greetings sports fans,
I have now updated my journal after not updating for a considerable time and because of peer pressure, rather than once popular demand I will proceed to tell you how my life has been.
In a word, 'bibble'.
To answer questions often posted to me:
1. OMG YOUR JOB IS SO COOL ETC.
Answer: Yes it is quite cool most of the time, but one reason why I am posting on my journal at this moment in time is because I am in the office at this moment, trying to find out the torque figures for a BMW 520i. No, not the discontinued one but the new one with direct injection. You try it, it's not easy.
Also I get to drive cool cars like the Naza Sutera and Chery A5 and Geely MK. What, you've never heard of these cars? The Naza Sutera is a Malaysian car but it has international heritage. It's designed by Pininfarina, with suspension tuned by Lotus and ergonomics more than likely designed around a fucking monkey. I mean fucking monkey literally because you need someone else's hand, someone else facing the wrong way, to change gear on that piece of shit properly.
Also Chinese cars smell like hell. I may be Chinese, and they may have achieved significant things in modern times like fake paus, the Great Leap Backward, the Fangji Cat Meatball restaurant, but they're still as good at making cars as...people who are motivated entirely by profit.
But I'm really not complaining, no.
2. Where/who is the band doing now
go to google and search for 'weapons of mass destruction'
3. Why is Simon so gay, and why can't he spell properly still
if you have to ask, you'll never know. Why is the sky blue?
4. In other news this journal is SEVEN MOTHERFUCKING YEARS OLD. Holy shit where did all the time go? I can honestly say in the seven years since i started this journal (and i was here second! Ergot was first. All the resta you's is all wankers) that i have learn the meaning of propoer speeling and punc.tuation?
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October 22nd, 2007
01:24 am - More Photos
What have i been doing?
Finding things stuck to my shoe
I have been ABS brake testing monkeys like this
and my guitar looks like this, only a little more to go. Stil dont know how it sounds though...
and in other words Kimi Raikkonen won the World Championship. Awesome.
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October 6th, 2007
02:27 pm - No Rest For The Wicked, Sleep Is For The Weak
Its been a long three days, here it is in condensed format:
Thursday October 4:
0930 Go to Chinese Embassy at 930am to find it is closed, no visa = no Shangahi GP for me = disbelief (BEIJING FENGWEI)
1000: pick up test vehicle
1230+ : lunch with lazy bastard and co.
1430-0000 : closing night for magazine
Friday October 5
0000-0005: coffee break
0005-0500: finish closing
0500-0530: drive home, eat bread and an apple
0600-1000: sleep
1000-1300: check print proofs at Loyang, try to correct missing sentence etc. feed cockatoo
1200-1530: travelling back to the office, getting things sorted
1530-1630: travel 25km to Permas Jaya, Johore Bahru with rest of office
1630-1800: GO-KARTING! WOOHOO! (simon still has not beaten me btw)
1800-2030: BUMPER TO BUMPER TRAFFIC! WOOHOO! Back to Singapore, into office to grab stuff
2130: at Home Club to meet Slodoban Morognic
2330: meet Lies and Gee Bhai in dodgy places
0630: come home and sleep
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September 24th, 2007
09:58 pm - Beijing Fengwei Part 2
Foreign students to be schooled in queuing LONDON (AFP) - Foreign students visiting Britain are to be educated in the etiquette of queuing for buses, after local users complained about them not observing the conventions of standing in line. Southern Vectis, which operates buses on the Isle of Wight, off England's south coast, said it was to contact local language schools following several complaints about the behaviour of young students over the summer months. "On the Isle of Wight we get lots of foreign language students staying with families," said operations manager March Morgan Huws. "In their cultures, they do not queue for buses where they live and there is a scrum every time a bus turns up, while in British culture there is a nice orderly queue. "We have had quite a few complaints from residents who queue up in an orderly fashion then all those foreign students push past them. "What we have said is that we will work with the language schools to provide some instructions on the etiquette of queuing. We won't be marching the students up and down showing them how to queue, we will just leave it up to the group leaders to pass on the information." Orderly queuing -- as seen during the recent Northern Rock banking crisis -- is seen as a quintessentially British convention. One social anthropologist believes Britons are even capable of forming one-person queues at bus stops. But while queue-barging normally leads to tutting, muttered complaints and shuffling to close the gap on anyone looking to barge ahead, most people are too polite to directly confront a transgressor.
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September 9th, 2007
August 18th, 2007
02:03 pm - The Vow of St Simon the Impure
I apologize for the large image, but this must be enjoyed in it's full glory after all the effort i put into it.
If only i was this precise at work.
Heh heh heh.
heh.
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July 19th, 2007
12:13 am - I made more friends at work today
While waiting for the bus, this little fella flew straight onto my leg. I instantly invoked Steve Irwin,
jumped up and shouted "CRIKEY! You're a naughty little fella ain't ya! Trynna tag me! You're really angry now!
You're alright little fella youre alright!!!!"
pause
"WOO HOO!"
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July 3rd, 2007
11:13 pm - Meeting New People
I made some friends at work today
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/charitycam/frogs/tired.gif) tired
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July 2nd, 2007
10:59 pm - First Assignment
Nothing Hunter S. Thompson-like like a mad drug binge across Singapore in a turbocharged convertible, but maybe someday. In the meantime, here was my first real work as a motoring journalist.
In another strange twist of fate, I ended up in a carpark throwing the Mini Cooper S around corners in front of army guys learning to drive. A few years earlier, I sat in the exact same carpark in a Land Rover for 3 days baking in the heat with a retarded driver and warrant officer and watched some idiot do half-assed drifts with a 200SX.
Strange how things work out.
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June 12th, 2007
07:31 pm - The Only Reason Why I Would Move To England
No its not for the awesome weather, the delightful cuisine, the 'nip down to th pub for a pint guv'nor', the 'go home ya bloody Chink/Kike/Wog/Eastie' or even the lifestyle of the Royally Inebriated Family. It's because they have cool competitions like this http://www.soworld.info/sof1/2007/ .
Britain is motorsport crazy, and the sport of a country, or at least what they're passionate about kinda shows through in their Reality TV shows. Britain has the aforementioned, So You Want To Be An F1 Driver (and a lot of other rubbish which is eclipsed by that), America has Survivor and Fear Factor, so they love the sport of fuckin each other over and eating worms/durians. Singapore has So you think you can dance? Which is damned fucking gay for all i care but it tells you all you need to know really.
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June 9th, 2007
03:40 pm - Congratulashons are in order
Time to update people on the aftermath of drinking at my birthday. First of all thanks everyone for coming down, even those who were'nt invited resulting in unforseen logistical problems, but thanks to Bang/efficient Homeclub management that was overcome. I think the highlight of the night would be the Lightweight boys and their up-side down drinking insistence, which suprisingly I did ok for. I can now say that i am indeed a better drinker than i used to be (as opposed 2 cans of Tiger = high). The main event however, was, "Hey guys I think i want SIMON to drink." Everyone else, "YEAH FUCK LETS GET SIMON TO DRINK WHO CARES WHOSE BIRTHDAY IT IT" then proceed to hang him upside down, make him drink and undo his belt in a very unglam way. After that i went to the toilet to find him with Hong Tat.
Me: "SIMON! YOU'VE PASSED YOUR DRIVING YOU'RE A MAN NOW WHERE ARE YOU COME OUT AND DRINK!!!"
Simon: "UUARRKKK...Rrgkk...OOARRRKKK.." (and assorted vomitting noises)
Me and Hong Tat: HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
Of course i joined him after that.
But thanks to Bang, Meow Li Tang, Brian, Noms, Bigjig, the Lightweight Boys, assorted Dungeonites, the Lit People and one Chee Bye.
I also realize that the monetary value of my birthday gifts this year was completely redeemed with alcohol.
also some video evidence of the madness : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yLvt-hvwZdA
Current Mood: hungover
Current Music: Hei Pao - Don't Break My Heart
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